by Mediation is a negotiated settlement process in which you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party (a mediator) to discuss and settle a conflict. A skilled mediator can help people come to an agreement about their dispute, even if it seems like the issue is impossible to resolve.
Mediators are specially trained and have a lot of experience helping people in difficult situations. The mediator will listen to you both, and try to understand what your needs are, as well as the issues involved in your situation. Mediators work hard to keep the discussion going, and they will not give up on your case just because things seem difficult or emotional.
The mediator will usually start with both parties giving opening statements about their perspective of the situation, and their ideas about how to resolve it. At this stage the mediator may also ask questions to clarify certain points of view, or address general concerns. The mediator will then usually encourage the two sides to engage in joint discussions. The mediator will usually use a variety of tools during this phase of the mediation, including rephrasing, affirmation, attending to different conflict frames and punctuations, asking lots of questions, and working on power dynamics to get at the heart of the problem.
Often, the mediator will suggest alternative solutions that can be discussed and agreed upon by both sides. This is often the most creative and difficult part of the mediation, because both parties must be willing to consider new options that would not be possible if they were still locked in a fight over their own agendas.
The mediation can also help the parties reach an understanding of what their common interests are, if there are any. This is an important aspect of mediation, and it can help build trust in the mediation.
Sometimes, the mediator will talk to both sides individually about their most important interests, and what might be acceptable compromises on those items. The mediator will often then make suggestions of potential solution options, based on what they have heard.
The mediator may also help the parties to find out about other alternatives for resolving their conflict, research on conflict resolution and court standards that might apply in their situation. The mediator may also help the parties understand what the effect of a judge’s decision might be, and how that might impact their lives.
The mediation process is not always quick, but it is a kinder, more dignified and human way to handle a problem than litigation. It is important to take the time to find a mediator that is experienced, and that you both feel comfortable with. Many lawyers are experienced in mediation and can recommend someone, or you can contact a statewide service provider such as Judicate West to find a mediator. You can also choose to have one spouse gather a list of mediators they’ve already interviewed, and then present it to the other side when they propose mediation. mediators
